Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

New Zealand Parliament votes for record suspensions of 3 lawmakers who performed Māori haka - AP News

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I can read

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

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I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

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I actually pay taxes

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

U.S. Space Force awards BAE Systems $1.2 billion contract for missile-tracking satellites - SpaceNews

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

What should I do? I'm 17 and I'm dating a 23-year-old guy.

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I don’t cotton to rapists

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I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

Were there any friendly fire incidents involving American submarines, aircraft carriers, or battleships during World War II or World War I?

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

Chairman Comer Subpoenas Dr. O’Connor Over Cover-Up Of Biden’s Mental Decline - United States House Committee on Oversight and Accountability - (.gov)

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

What is your craziest/worst Halloween story?

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I can count

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

Why do I randomly start sweating a lot in public (while waiting in line, in a new class, etc.) then start sweating more because I’m embarrassed that I’m sweating so much? Is this social anxiety?

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I see through liars

What can I say to a scammer who thinks he loves me, but I don't want to be scammed?

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I don’t buy bullshit

What are some ten strong legal evidences that are needed for a divorce?

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

What is the difference between the Bible and the Qur'an?

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

How does Bollywood influence Indian culture?

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I have a reading level above third grade

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I understand how hurricane paths work

I have complete contempt for fakery

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says: